Wednesday, April 23, 2014

For a fleeting moment...

I cannot begin to imagine her desperation, her motivation.
I cannot begin to understand her feelings, her mental state.
I cannot fully appreciate the support that she received from her family and friends, from health care professionals, from her local authority and from charities.

I cannot put myself in her shoes; no one can. 
I cannot comment on her story, I have no right to do so; no one has.  
I cannot judge her; nor should anyone.  
No one can or will truly understand "why?",  although many questions will be asked and the truth will be sought.

I cannot condone what she may have done, but I can say this: I remember the despair I felt at the point of diagnosis.  I remember the raw pain that broke my heart in two and ripped it from my chest.  I remember feeling as if I could not go on, that the prospect of a disabled child was too much to bear.  I remember that I wanted the pain to stop.  I remember lying in the darkness with my husband and the fleeting moment when I realised, and confessed to anyone who may be listening, that I wanted to die.  I remember wanting to take my family, too, ending their pain forever, ensuring that we were not alone but instead together as a family in to eternity.

I have never reached such despair and desperation again; it was but an evanescent moment.
I would not wish it upon any one but many do fall prey to such anguish.
I was lucky.
I realised that disability didn't matter; that my child would forge her way in life, teaching me instead of me teaching her.
I developed the coping mechanisms to get me through the day to day, minute by minute and hour by hour.
I had the insight to know to ask for help from my GP and was pragmatic enough to take medication.
I had the support of my friends and family to support me, carrying my heart when it felt too heavy to carry alone.
I had the love of my husband and the unconditional love of my children which I am grateful for now and for every day that has passed since that moment.

Slowly but surely life improved; hope and joy paramount to my (our) recovery.  I cannot, however, colour it perfectly, this perfectly imperfect life we live.  It is hard - no it's bloody difficult! - I cannot shirk from the truth, the duty, nor the responsibility for there is no where to hide.  I cannot depend on others wholly for they have lives of their own, but it's important to ask for help.  I do not have all the answers and no single person, government, authority or charity has all the solutions, but we can - and need - to learn from each other. 

I am lucky and so very grateful, but I do need to seek the joy in every day as a simple reminder that life is worth living.  Above all,  I know that I am not alone and that is perhaps the greatest comfort of all.

I cannot begin to understand why and I cannot condone what she may have done, but I do remember... I do remember that fleeting moment when thought I could not go on...

Friday, March 14, 2014

Whimsical Parties and Pretty Things

In honour of a true friendship I held a hen party way back in 2013.  I had the perfect theme in mind and, all in all, it turned out to be one of my favourite days of the year: surrounded by friends, cakes, prosecco and fine millinery, who could ask for more?

Mairi Brunning is a super talented milliner and I have had the pleasure of working with her on two commissions - one for Sweetpea's wedding and the other for the wedding of the Good Egg and the ever graceful Lady of Camptoun.  On both occasions Mairi was patient, creative and inspirational as we worked together to create two millinery pieces I simply adore.

I knew that Mairi had previously run a class on making beautiful fascinators so I contacted her directly and we set to work planning the day with Whimsical Hen Parties (her new exciting venture!).  The hens were ready, the afternoon tea set - with the surprise addition of divine macarons by Mademoiselle Macaron - and a table covered in colourful flowers, ribbons and just general gorgeousness awaited us.

Oh! and did I tell you that we were joined by the lovely Carolyn Hendry masquerading as Mairi's assistant?  Carolyn is a very talented lady in her own right too at Carolyn Hendry Photography - anyone need a wedding photographer?

Under Mairi's direction and supervision, and with Carolyn's assistance, the hens busied themselves in silence - with only the occasion sip of prosecco passing their lips - creating works of wearable art.  I think that everyone was stunned by the(ir) sheer natural talent, brilliance and originality of the fascinators created.

So, what did we think of Whimsical Parties?

It's a truly glorious and beautiful resounding hat's off to them!

It proved to be a great way to celebrate a Hen Party - or any celebration really! - with the opportunity to spend time with friends and be creative too; a girl couldn't ask for more!

We would highly recommend Mairi and her brilliant millinery skills.

Disclaimer:  This post was not sponsored nor did I receive any fees for writing this glowing review.  I did however hugely benefit from a fun filled few hours and I really couldn't ask for more.

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Paper Rose

A parcel; for me?
It is for me - how wonderful!
I wonder who it is from?

A white rose by bookish
for being such a good friend.

I believe that 
friendship has the power to lift 
you high above the clouds:
just as this gift did today.


Pride and Prejudice Literary Paper Rose by bookish